Illegally Blonde: Reese Witherspoon Exploited Me For My Free Labor
Some may call it community service, some may say it's free labor, I don’t see a difference. It’s about time somebody wrote an exposé on Reese, I just didn’t think I would be the one doing it. She has gotten away with her chicanery for too long, she also just seems too nice, the Southern Belle act is over, The Fly is onto you.
It was Friday, November 4th, and I was thrilled for the opportunity to serve my community. The idea was simple, flawless, and entirely necessary to New York City’s community – we were to wrap christmas presents for kids in need. I walked into the tall office of the charity on Downtown Broadway Avenue to find that the service being done was comparable to that of a christmas elf. They had promised dinner, and had given us Sprite and water. My peers and I felt like we were clocking into our factory shifts. We were to spend the next two hours simply wrapping one book again and again. The book? Busy Betty by Reese Witherspoon. Why a Reese Witherspoon book? Who will these books help? How did we even get a hold of these books? Why was Betty so busy? So many important questions raced through my mind, but the one that remained most important than the rest: is this moral?
Reese would like to have everyone believe that it was moral, we were serving the community after all. But what community is in desperate need of Reese Witherspoon’s childrens’ book? Not one I’ve seen.
Her work was immoral – her evil became apparent to me in her merciless agenda to serve herself, and serve no community except her own.
I am blessed to have the ability to expose her for her wrongdoings in her advertisement for her book. The truth is that my peers and I were the real Busy Betties, I assume Reese was relaxed in her knowledge that we would do her work for her. The working conditions were abominable. Stacks and stacks of books were put on each table, and without instruction, we were expected to promptly begin wrapping. Despite the promised two hours of community service, it became quickly apparent that we couldn’t leave until we were done. We couldn’t even take a break without asking the leader of the ‘service meeting’, who would respond with a glare that broke the soul, and then tell you to “make it quick.”
“Wrap so much faster.”
“Do you want to pay for the tape? Be stingier.”
“Here’s another box of books.”
They had their first taste of power and were immediately drunk with it. The caste system was brought to this office.
By the end of the two hours, we had two more boxes of books left unwrapped. What were we to do? “We gotta wrap them!” said the leader of the ‘meeting’. I am scarred from these comments, and still am pondering the morality of our community ‘leaders’.
We spent eleven extra minutes wrapping the excess books, and didn’t receive so much as a thank you. We were bid goodbye without even a penny to show for our hard work.
Although, everyone there decided that we would forgive Reese if she promised to stop making Legally Blonde movies. Seriously, Reese, it’s enough.
Pablo Barrera