FLY LIST: The 10 Best Excuses to Skip Out On Exam Season
Going into December, there is a growing dread among high school students as they know the most anxiety-inducing, teeth grinding, sleep depriving time of the year is upon them… exam season. Although these tests may seem unavoidable, the Collegiate Fly is here to share some tips on how you can skip out on exams, and have a carefree winter!
1. Pretend to be sick
Nothing sends the message that you’re not fit to take an exam like a good illness. Pretending to be sick is a classic excuse that everyone has used at some point,
2. Sleep in
This method is super easy and accessible to anybody. A reliable method to sleep through your exam is to leave yourself without an alarm. If you really want to ensure that your teacher will not be upset and understand that you’re just asleep is to get somebody to take a photo of you sleeping, and then forward that along to your teacher. Upon receiving this photo, they’ll surely know that you can’t make it to school because your busy sleeping
3. Just skip it!
It’s so hard to get the confidence to skip an exam but the first step is always to just ghost your teacher. If they can’t find you, they can’t make you take the test. At this point your teacher will probably start emailing you, what you need to do is respond: “not doing that, sorry!” Even though this method is less reliable than others, this is always a good go to if you’re in a pickle.
4. Get expelled
This method, while a little risky, will definitely get you out of your exam. Continual refusal to do your homework, study, and respect your teachers in any way is sure to get you booted from your school. Although this option may create extreme strain on your relationships with your family and friends, you won’t have to think twice about opening some boring textbook.
5. Fake your own death
This method is great and reliable if pulled off effectively. A great way to make sure your fake death is well received is to find a pliable coroner and get a death certificate signed; then, all you need to do is take a photo and forward it to your teacher. Obviously since it’s exam season they're pretty busy too, so just give them a good summary of what happened: “Hey, sorry, but I died! Here’s my death certificate. Have a good day!” A good way to really make sure they believe you’re dead is to dress up as a ghost, then, your teacher will think you’re a ghost who died. Perfect!
6. Actually die
This winter, say goodbye to school supplies, and hello to coffin shopping! While faking your own death is an often effective and foolproof method, nothing is more reliable than the real thing. Actually dying will ensure that you not only get to skip out on this term’s exams, but all exams forever! You also don’t have to deal with the drudgery, monotony, and melancholy that every mortal’s life is inevitably consumed by. No longer will you have to grapple with the moral and economic tragedy that is life in a capitalist society, you’ll finally escape from your earthly restraints and just have some good ol’ fun!
7. Gaslight your teacher into thinking that you never existed in the first place
This method is very reliable, though it’s pretty hard to pull off. Only consider this if you’re a very good liar. You will need months of planning and meticulous research into your teacher’s psyche, and only once you have complete knowledge of the ins and outs of their thought processes, can you begin. While removing yourself from the school database, all personal documentation, and the memories of everyone you have ever met will be difficult, it’s totally worth it to just kick back, relax, and enjoy your December. Who needs a social security number, anyway?
8. Ask politely
One of the least popular, yet most morally upright ways to get out of an exam is to just simply ask your teacher politely. While nowhere near as thrilling as the act of gaslighting someone into believing that you never existed in the first place, a good edible arrangement and a polite request couldn’t hurt your cause. This one is a little bit less reliable than some other methods on the list, but if your teacher takes pity or is in a chipper mood, they might just say yes! Give ‘em some good puppy dog eyes and a very nice “please,” and you should be all set. Good luck!
9. Wear a fake mustache
History’s most reliable disguise shouldn’t fail you. If you can get your hands on a fake mustache and wear it to school, then your teacher won’t even recognize you. They will think that you are somebody who has a mustache, not yourself, who doesn’t have a mustache! If you come with a fake accent then you’ll definitely get out of your exam. FYI: This method only works for people who don’t have mustaches already, if you do, maybe consider shaving it to trick them.
10. Enlist in the U.S. military
This one is a really great option because you may end up finding that you love being in the military, anyway, then you won’t have to do any finals, you’ll just have to fight for your country (even better!). The military is a group of some really great people, some of the nicest you’ll ever meet. Joining the military is a great way to ensure that you live a very ethical life because the military has never done anything immoral, so you’re all set. And, it’s actually a law in the United States that anybody in the U.S. Military is exempt from all high school final exams! But, this won’t fly in college.
Any one of these methods are sure to get you out of your exams, so just take your pick and get to work. Good Luck Dutch!
Pablo Barrera & Willie Nuttall