FLY LIST: 8 Reasons You Weren’t Invited
If you’re reading this, you must have some serious FOMO and are desperately searching for a reason why your so-called best friends left you out of their bowling trip, their fishing extravaganza, or their margarita/karaoke night. Luckily enough, they actually have eight perfectly good reasons for excluding you.
1. They’re planning your surprise birthday party and didn’t want to ruin the excitement
Lucky you, you have friends that really care about you and want you to have the most exciting birthday ever! It’s no matter that your birthday already happened a few months ago and they forgot to even call and wish you a happy birthday, that is all part of their plan to really surprise you with a party that will put all others to shame.
2. They actually went to see a psychic who told them that you would die if you were invited
Well, it seems to me that you owe them a thank you. You would be dead right now if they did invite you, and that surely wouldn’t be worth it. You should be very grateful to your caring, loving, and all around great friends for leaving you out. Maybe send them a quick thank you note for saving you from the shameful and painful death of having a bowling ball fall on your head.
3. They accidentally invited your doppelganger instead of you
This one makes sense. Everyone’s made this mistake before, they saw your doppelganger and accidentally invited them instead of you – it’s such a classic mix-up. What can ya do?
4. They just don’t like you
This one is a little harder to justify, but still understandable. Your friends don’t find your Elvis Presley impression charming, it’s simply annoying and outdated! Everyone also hates when you say “that’s gonna leave a mark!” after any shared experience; you don’t even use the expression right.
5. You were there but have since forgotten
Ok, this one’s your fault. You were there, that’s what they keep telling you, but for some reason you can’t seem to remember. You’re almost certain that you weren’t there, but they’re insistent that you were. You’re starting to get suspicious that they’re lying to you, but I guess they’re your friends so they wouldn’t do that to you. They keep trying to convince you but you aren’t understanding. Listen to me, you WERE there. YOU were there. Got it?
6. They’re trying to replace you with someone who looks just like you, but is a little taller
We always knew that your stout build would come back to bite you in the ass. Your one fatal flaw: Being below 5’9 and always lying about it and rounding up to 5’10 (and sometimes even 5’11 when you’re wearing shoes that make you a little taller, because everyone just associates 5’11 with 6’0 anyway, so it’s a nice way of implying that you’re 6’0 tall without blatantly saying it) is what has finally caused your friends to move on and find a new, taller, version. The 2.0, if you will.
7. You’re just ugly
Sorry! Who wants to hang out with an ugly friend, you just make them look worse. Only losers have the compassion necessary to spend time with their ugly friends (out in public, too!) instead of blowing them off. I know for sure that I wouldn’t be spending time with you, having people associate us together, soon enough they’ll get brainwashed and think that it’s not just you, but we’re both ugly.
8. They forgot
It’s perfectly natural to forget these types of things and you can’t blame them for it. Everyone knows you’re just the filler friend anyway and they wanted to keep this to the inner-circle only.
Whatever reason they had for not inviting you, it was perfectly valid, and honestly you need to just get over it. Maybe it’s time to make some new friends and that is perfectly fine. Just don’t come knocking on my door.
Pablo Barrera