Man On Deathbed Regrets Not Having More Screen Time

Have you ever thought about what you might do if you were laying on your deathbed? What you might think? Or how you might feel?

 Luckily for you, thanks to one California man, we have your answer. 78 year old Roger Trenton, lying on his deathbed, bravely asserted last week that he regrets not spending more of his precious time on his computer. 

“What exactly did this man wish he were doing on his computer for so long?” we asked.

“First of all, probably games, I think,” said Mr. Trenton. “I always liked the .io games, and I have a special place in my heart for that game where the eggs shoot each other. It always makes me laugh.” 

Later on, Mr. Trenton delved deeper into his regrets admitting that he wasted too much time reading nonsense books and news stories. 

“Look at me now. Does it matter that I knew what the Fed was doing last year? Does it matter that I kept up with the presidential election? My one vote doesn’t matter anyway!” 

Reporters tried to talk him out of this theory, but Mr. Trenton had none of it. Even getting increasingly more angry at the suggestion that voters have more power than they often think. One journalist was asked to leave the room by a nurse practitioner because Mr. Trenton would not stop yelling “you don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

After calming him down from his tirade against the electoral college with some hot tea and a biscuit, Mr. Trenton revealed one final reflection on his long life. 

“I guess when I really think about it, I wish I spent more of my time engaging in activities I feel really nourished my heart and soul, like playing Candy Crush and reading celebrity gossip magazines, you know?”

At press time, Mr. Trenton would only listen to questions if a reporter played a repeating loop of a Subway Surfers game above their head. 

Pablo Barrera