Student Government Achieves First Task Ever!
If you know Collegiate you know that the Student Government runs the school, thus giving every student a voice in the administration. Just kidding, can you imagine?
The Collegiate Student Government has just achieved its first task ever! Round of applause. Our student body leaders have gone directly to Giuseppe Cipriani and demanded that they give Collegiate students a 15% discount at Harry’s Table. If only this were the truth. Fly journalists have found that Harry’s Table was actually desperate for the student discount and came directly to our student government. They knew that an average Collegiate student couldn’t resist a Cipriani special lunch if it was minorly discounted. Luckily, our government fought back adequately and made sure that the discount wouldn’t be as simple as it seems.
Luckily, a few employees just don’t know how to give the discount, and some don’t even know about it! Perfect! One Collegiate student even said that the employees took his Collegiate ID telling him that it was fake, and proceeded to kick him out, saying that the cops would be called. Nice job student gov.
Besides this Harry’s Table victory, there have also been some worthy student government feats I’ll mention. We were all so proud of our government for arranging to mural the staircase, and we were even happier when we found out that these so-called murals would be blue tape! And even better, weird sea animals including octopus and squid. Must have been something about those blue walls. Unfortunately, our government ensured that all the tape was torn down because “the white walls are just so calming,” said an anonymous government member.
Similar is the issue of the photo wall. When I asked student government member Eli Dubin Ramos about this wall that was supposed to be an ode to the Junior class, and supposed to be completed on Friday, October 14th, he simply laughed and said “I can’t believe you bought that!” Very empathetic.
It is worth mentioning the newest development in the Cipriani/Student Government negotiation process: we finally convinced them to close the market on Mondays and Tuesdays. “We can’t let our students use their discounts too much!” said an undisclosed class president.
Pablo Barrera