BREAKING–Beautiful Woman Slips on Banana Peel
Tragedy and emotional confusion struck Midtown Manhattan last Wednesday when a drop-dead gorgeous woman slipped and fell on a carelessly discarded banana peel.
Witnesses of the event claimed a sort of “conflicted hush” fell over passers-by. “A few giggled, a few screamed out in horror,” told Kevin, a construction worker who observed the incident first hand, “I personally felt that whatever could be found funny about the whole thing was canceled out completely by how attractive she was.” At this point in the interview, Kevin became highly emotional and looked longingly off into the distance before existentially stating, “I hope she’s okay. I hope we’ll all be okay.”
Kevin isn’t the only one who was seemingly disturbed by this incident, with many even rallying behind newly proposed legislation to rid the city streets entirely of dangerous fruit waste in order to prevent any more metropolitan goddesses from spraining ankles or twisting wrists. The populist support behind said legislation has grown so widespread that the issue has even reached the desks of high ranking officials. “What is a more essential duty of a state’s government than the protection of its citizens, particularly its most statuesque?” emphatically questioned the governor at a press conference this week.
Despite the multitude of calls for concern, an opposition has grown claiming this uprising is completely unnecessary and that the fall was actually just plain hilarious. “Pretty or not, this lady literally slipped on a banana peel.” stated Anna Curtin, a public figurehead for this countermovement and a professor of music theory at the City University of New York. “That’s cartoon level stuff, undeniably funny!”
No matter your opinion on the topic, the importance of sidewalk safety cannot be overstated. Make sure you pick up your wrappers, cups, napkins, lids, and kids… you might just make a model’s morning.
Willie Nuttall